As you can imagine, the loss of a child can be extremely heart-breaking for anybody involved. More so the mother and father of the child who are the closest person to the child. Here I want to discuss the difference in attitude towards males and females after the loss of a child and life after child loss. Life after the loss of a child can be extremely difficult, I personally experienced the loss of my baby the day after I had given birth. Nobody can prepare you for what life will intake after this and the views that others have towards you. Are males treated differently as appose to women after the loss of their child, although they have both experienced the same loss? Are males less likely to receive less sympathy after the loss only due to their gender?
How men are perceived to be after a loss.
Men are perceived to be the less emotional gender and stronger minded due to gender stereotypes. This can in fact prevent the male from grieving over the loss of their child. Males are seen to be the stronger gender and after a loss feel they need to support the woman. This can in fact prevent the male from experiencing their true grief after the loss.
“Men are raised to be decisive, strong, successful, and inexpressive” (Stillion & McDowell, 2001-2002). In reality, both the male and female have experienced the exact loss as one another. The gender of the parent should not prevent the individual from getting through their own grieving stage. A male may be less likely to talk about their feelings due to what they may think others think about them, again this refers us back to gender stereotype.
Situational attribution shows a person’s behaviour due to the situation. This would show why a female or male’s behaviour changes after a child loss due to the situation.
Seeking help after the loss.
I think it is inevitable to say that women are more likely to seek help after the loss of their child than men. One main reason refers us back to the points discussed, that men want or need to be seen as the “manly” one, this however is not the case. The attitudes towards male and females individually from others are completely irreverent when it comes to your own mental health. If you have ever unfortunately experienced this, you would know. It is a shame that males are perceived to be this way, as we are all human and all have emotions.
If males are less likely to seek help than a woman, this could cause serve mental health issues in the future for the male. Could it be in fact that males are too embarrassed to show how they really feel during the grieving process? If you have ever experienced a loss you would know that the grieving process takes time but unfortunately must be dealt with. No matter the gender, it should never be seen you weaker seeking help, this is just part of the grieving process.
How people act towards you after your loss.
Understandably, people find it difficult to find the right words to say to the mother and father after the loss of their child. This inevitably can cause the mother and father to feel lost as even close friends and family sometimes cannot find the right words. From personal experience, the female usually receives more sympathy and comfort as appose to the male. This may be due to it being the woman who has given birth or that the female may show more expression of emotion regarding their loss, this being due to woman supposedly being more open to talking than males.
The feelings and actions that people have towards you after a loss can be difficult. It’s hard because people may feel after a loss that they cannot move forward or continue with their life’s as normal. This being due to how they feel other people will view this or what others may say about this.
Theories linked to child loss.
The ABC Model of Attitudes: Affect, Behaviour & Cognition.
Affective component: this involves a person’s feelings / emotions about the attitude object (McLeod, 2018). The affective component can be related to child loss as the attitude object is the loss of their child. Anytime the person sees or hears about child loss they would instantly refer this back to their own experiences. This will bring back great emotion and memories to the person.
Behavioural (or conative) component: the way the attitude we have influences how we act or behave (McLeod, 2018). This relating to child loss as this is the way in which an individual’s behaviour who has experienced child loss would act towards certain situations. This referring to their emotions.
Cognitive component: this involves a person’s belief / knowledge about an attitude object (McLeod, 2018). This relating to child loss as it shows the knowledge and beliefs of an individual who has experiences child loss and what their thoughts are regarding this. This however would be different for each individual as they have experienced their own story,
I personally think the stigma around men and their mental health plays a large part of why they are treated different to woman after the loss of a child. In conclusion to the discussion, I do not think males should be treated any differently to woman when it comes to emotions. However, males need to understand that the loss of a child is difficult for all and the perception of the male to be “manly” does not stand. Do we really believe a man should not be expecting great loss for their child along with the woman? At the end of the day, male or female we all have emotions and for the loss of your child you can feel however you need to without being judged.
Sites for further reading.
https://www.allpsychologycareers.com/topics/loss-of-a-child.html
References.
McLeod, S. (2018) Attitudes and Behaviour. Available at: https://www.simplypsychology.org/attitudes.html
Accessed: 6th January 2019.
Stillion, J. M., & McDowell, E. E. (2001-2002). The early demise of the “stronger” sex: Gender-related causes of sex differences in longevity. Omega, 44, 301-318.
Social Psychology Louise Bibby 
great Blog, n truly heart breaking , I cant imagine what it would be like to lose a child. As you mention there is a difference between male n female attitudes towards a child passing away. Maybe because the mother has given the baby life and carried that baby for 9 months some individuals may think she has more of a right to grief than the father, so in theory the mother is 9 months more bonded with the child than the father?
The worry is as you say the father doesn’t get the grief the same as the mother due to the support he ‘must’ give the mother but unable to deal with his own loss may spiral into substance abuse and mental health issues which in turn may affect the very relationship the child was conceived in. As you rightly point out the loss is the same for both parents but gender stereotyping favours the woman. The male can throw himself into work quicker than a woman can ( if its a still birth or at a very young age), men never cry in front of other men and often do it alone or often the due to male hormones men will feel rage and anger with hurt where as a woman will be more withdrawn, for men to be upset means defeat which our male ego doesn’t want to admit. Heartbreaking subject.
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Thank you for your comment Carl. Interesting fact that the women has carried the child for 9 month and that the women may potentially hold more of a bond with the child than the man, I do agree with this. However I also think different males have different emotions so it could depend on the male himself. Males do tend to be perceived as more the “angry” gender and possibly could result in the way they react after they loose their child. I do this this again is stereotyping males in that group whereas I do feel males have as much right to grieve over their loss as the mother. Like you say men aren’t likely to cry in front of other men, this is unfortunate as sometimes that would help then to seek help. Unfortunately as males usually do not do so, it can lead to more hurt and upset. The male ego definitely plays a part in this, the point I’m trying to make is that it shouldn’t. Men have as much emotions as women as are equally right to grieve as women do.
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I think empathy over such an event plays a role in how we treat people under these circumstances and that as you have mentiones masculine ideology plays an equal role in the way people treat males and the way they act in this instance. Maybe we as a soicety we need to address masculine ideology as a whole, teaching empathy and compassion to be a norm. I believe that as the masculine ideology has been betrayed as strong and emotionless this plays a massive role in they way there are treated and opposes a barrier to show them the same kind of empathy. With that being said i dont think this is right or that this should be the case i feel it has become the norm and that females sometimes find it easier to identify with the same sex and as a feminine ideology is to show emotion this equally causes a barrier in how the opposite sexs’ treat one another. It would be intresting to theories how we could change these ideologies and teach people how to approach this sensitive issue going forwarded.
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Thank you for your comment Greeta. I agree that masculine ideology plus a part in this role and as a whole in the way in which males show emotions. This being a very large topic in society these days, with male ratings of suicide being larger than women. I agree it does need to become a “norm” for men to speak out about their feelings and not be judged or discriminated against for showing emotions. Unfortunately males are perceived as “masculine” and the strong gender. This isn’t always the case and with the stereotype of males being this could lead them to not want to discuss problems and to perceive themselves as being “strong”. I also agree with the fact females find it easier to identify with the same sex. Women are more likely to discuss their problems with one another and find comfort in doing so. This is how I felt but obviously this isn’t always the case. I think you’re point in how would we could change these ideologies and teach people how to approach these sensitive issues are very valid. If we could teach people to be more open and talk to one another about their feelings this could prevent mental health in the further and would hopefully reduce suicide ratings.
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Firstly I think you should have immense pride over openly discussing such a heart breaking topic , I think it is so hard to even understand how others grieve as it is so personal but I can definitely understand how men may not show as much emotion and want to appear “stronger” in order to consolidate their feelings and may also use that strength to help support there partner which I agree with you may not cause them to grieve in a conventional way , I feel this could be a form of conforming to norms , as the norm for a man unfortunately appears to be not showing strong emotion and men seem to appear more reserved and private regarding male mental health it could also be seen as the male being a protector and wanting to protect his partner and not show any vulnerability in order to provide strength and stability , even though in my personal opinion this is wrong and all men and women should be treated and respected equally even in grief , whilst biologically it may be harder for women to bear the loss of a child given all of the biological processes that go along with pregnancy , It doesn’t make a male any less part of that child’s life and the stigma of male mental health definitely has a part to play as society and media coverage all try and manipulate emotions and condition us that a women has more right in a child’s life , With so much diversity in society today it would be very hard to distinguish loss between a mother and father as it may be same sex parents , I strongly feel that everybody has the right to grieve and should be given the same respect regardless of gender.
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Thank you for your comment Steph. Unfortunately it is the “norm” for males to not show as much emotion as women and think believe this is the problem. I agree that men have as much right to grieve as much as women do, but unfortunately I don’t not think this is always the case.
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